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You don’t just marry an individual, you marry the whole family.

A Promise

They say that when you marry someone you marry their entire family. This has been what my mother taught me ever since. “You’re the one” is a common phrase to seal the promise of “Forever”. We expect that our spouse will always stand on our side no matter what. Nevertheless, the truth remains that you can’t take your other half from the big family they came from, and then you realize you don’t just marry an individual, you marry the whole family. First thing you can’t ignore family relationship. I admire that my husband has a big clan, and everyone is so close and tight. But having a big troop might influence your decisions and goals. It’s not about “This is just about us; no one else matters”.  True and Untrue! Sometimes you need to compromise. I know it has been an overused statement but believe it or not having this expectation will ease family rifts.

Before the marriage, I’m aware that In-law relationship wouldn’t be simple and drawing boundaries might come tricky. I promise to myself that I will choose my battle carefully. Know that you always have a choice: this is to get involve or not. Perhaps, there were times that parents play the guilty card and then you become the bad guy on the end. Building ANY relationships takes time, EONS as I must say. I believe having their respect is the first step to a healthier bond. At the opposite side, walking away is not a sign of defeat. To feel empowered on times of troubles, treat it as a family issue and not a couple one. I know extended families and in-laws will always mean well. If you put them on blame, you won’t get any support and the situation won’t get any better. And if the misunderstanding doesn’t belong in between you two – Keep distance!

Take a pause, in the moments when you feel burn out and drained. Remember that you can’t take back what you’ve already said. Most of the time, Situations is reactive. We tend to be easily swayed with low-blows allowing ourselves as an emotional wreck. When we react, choose a response carefully. If you reacted with gut and pain, then you already lose the fight. As my mom always says, take the beat before doing anything at all. This is a smart move, because you need to recharge yourself! and react the best possible way with diplomacy after. Always contain yourself but don’t disconnect. Taking time for a break is valuable step to consider. Time heals and so as the family drama.

Hate will lead you nowhere. Be kind, why? Don’t let someone validate their hate at your expense. A saying says, “you can’t teach an old dog a new trick”. Don’t wait for them to change because you will hurt yourself more. Expect nothing. You must take care of yourself mentally and spiritually. Remember who you are and how you will act. Just keep this feud home base and don’t let it spread like a wildfire.

Since I got married, I don’t usually take sides. I’m an optimist and I’ve had enough of negativity. I don’t ask for approval, this is who I am.

In the end all you’ll ever have in life is your family, so keep them close, while you still have them around. – Anonymous

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13 Comments

  1. Lyosha Varezhkina

    It is true. Family can tell a whole lot about your partner. But it is important not to be judgemental and know what part of the family is a real family to your partner. And yes you will have to hang out with partners family and consider it your own as well

  2. Mosaics Lab

    This is very very true!!! Not only you marry the family, you marry a whole different culture, background, etc…Amazing post.

    Chad
    http://www.mosaicslab.com

  3. Melissa M Sanchez

    This is so so true! My mother also made me so aware of this while I was growing up – and she was/is so right! They are our partner and we have to take them as a whole – and part of them is their family !

  4. Geraline Batarra

    Yes it’s true. We have to accept that. The only adjustment we could have is to have a house of our own

  5. Catherine Santiago Jose

    I agree with everything that you’ve said when you marry a person you marry the entire family and it also important to have a good relationship with your in-laws to avoid misunderstanding because at the end they are your family and you need them.

  6. Christa Anne

    Marriage truly is the blending of two families. It takes a lot of communication and acceptance to make it through difficulties that can arise.

  7. Flavia Bernardes

    That is so true and so hard to fully accept sometimes. But, you’re right, it’s about accepting who people are and putting boundaries for what’s ok and not ok.

  8. Elizabeth O

    Very well-said. I totally trust on this phrase. The marriage is not just in between two persons, here two families and even relatives join each other. It all depends on understanding. So you’re right here

  9. wayfarerkate

    Wow this is so true and I resonate alot with it. You really have to consider all aspects when you marry someone.

  10. Natasha

    Yes! You marry sooo much more than just a partner. You become so close with everyone in their family, their culture, their background!

  11. Folabest

    I totally agree with you. Family owns the partner and their support will get you moving at all time

  12. Courthey

    Hahahaha isn’t that the truth! My husband has the worst family ever. We try not to associate with them much, but you really do marry the whole family dive there is no such thing as just deleting family members lol

  13. So true! I like what you have pointed out – diplomacy and distance, the keys to have good relationship with the extended family 🙂


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